She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
