i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
