Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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