So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
