then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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