Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
