that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
