he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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