Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
