Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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