I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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