you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
