Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
