Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
