even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
