your thong is hanging out like whoa
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
