i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
