YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
