She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
