Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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