Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
