Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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