My sheets look like a crime scene.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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