I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
