I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
