if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Someone signed my nipple.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
