Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
