unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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