I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
