i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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