would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
