wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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