CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
