It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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