Your face is a jimmy john
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
