I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
