I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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