My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
