Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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