so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
