I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
