I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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