yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
