I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
