i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
