a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
