I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
