What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
