the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
