Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
