You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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