She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
