grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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