Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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