he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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