i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
