this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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