Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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