i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
