i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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