Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
