I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
