You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
