One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
