you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
