I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We left an ass print on the piano.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
