I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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