The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
