How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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