i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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