There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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