its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize