Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
