Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
