I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
accomplished twins. life is a go
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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