I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
