So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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