Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
