Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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