He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
