My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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