We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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