she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
