The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
