I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
