I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
