All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
