She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My life is pants optional.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
